Sunday, April 17, 2011

"choo choooo" says the A.D.D. train.

Okay. So, as previously stated. This blog is probably going to be a little random at times because....well, simply because it is written by me.

My life has been pretty interesting so far--but so is everyone's. One thing I've learned, mostly through trials, is to try to accept things. I've learned recently that I'm kind of a control freak; I fear the unknown; I want to know the outcome before time has even passed. I know this is kind of anxious behavior. I'm workin' on it. One thing you should probably know, but probably already do know if you're reading this, is that my dad passed away at the young age of 43. I had only just turned 16. This trial, as you can imagine, was a HUGE trial, and still is at times. When this happened I felt a lot of hope because I'd think to myself, "If i can handle this, I can handle any other trial I come across". In my mind I was thinking that I'd never really have a hard time with trials because nothing else I'd experience could be as hard as losing my dad. However, I've come to gain a testimony of not comparing trials--and I've learned that that includes not comparing things among your own trials. This might sound confusing--but I'll explain.

When my dad died I wasn't ever bitter. I was blessed to not play the "What if" game, or ask questions. Most of all, I was blessed with peace and the ability to not be upset with Heavenly Father because of that trial. I realized that one thing that really helped me get through this trial was the fact that I really couldn't change anything about it. My dad had passed away from an unexpected heart attack; It wasn't anyone's fault, nor was it something that anyone could go back and change or fix. I only had one option, aside from staying close to the Lord and the gospel, to get me through this trial: acceptance. Acceptance is the golden word that helped me to be where I am today.

Now it might be easier for you to understand why I might struggle with other things. I struggle with the trials and events that have to do with agency--the things in life that CAN be changed if you really wanted to, or if someone else really wanted to, but maybe they shouldn't be, or just won't be. This is where my struggles come. I question myself a lot. I questions the decisions I make and don't always understand others' actions and the things they might choose that affect me. This is where I have learned that I have to remember the golden word again: acceptance.

The reason for this post is a quote that I found just barely:

"Letting go doesn't mean moving on. It's one of the hardest things a person can do. We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that can't be. It means maturing and moving forward, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so."

So whether it's being teased all through elementary school, losing someone close to me, not being accepted in the major I originally wanted, or a recent breakup, acceptance is the key. Acceptance is what taught me after those trials to love everyone and have empathy for those who aren't accepted by others, strengthened my testimony of the Plan of Salvation, helped me find the major I ACTUALLY want and love, and it is what will help me to learn more about love and faith.

                                                       My dad and me on my 16th birthday
                                                             (best dad EVER, just fyi :)


No comments:

Post a Comment

Let's be honest, comments make everyone happy! So feel free to comment if you'd like! :)